Joan of Matriarch has been birthed into reality through the laborious process of self-discovery and personal growth. It has been, still is and shall always be an ongoing process due to our human expansion. For me, one that is drenched in a deep yearning for something to emerge. A process where my heart began to open and self-love, authenticity, and inner strength began to develop. There have been times of contraction where isolation, fear, insecurities, false beliefs, attachments, as well as the stories that I defined myself through, kinked my hose and stopped the flow of life. We all have a list of shit that gets in our way of living the best life that we can. I have experienced profound grief, several times like someone had died, only to find out it was a version of me that passed away during those times. My dreams and plans of a life I thought I was supposed to be living, gone. You know, the experience that everyone in our society says you “should” be living. I was numb, empty and a mess.
I felt stuck between two worlds, the world of bondage where deeply ingrained patterns function on autopilot and the world of light, where freedom, authenticity, joy, love and unconditional everything lived. In the conditioned world most days I felt like I was dredging through molasses, and other days like I had cement shoes on, nothing flowed with ease. In the world of light, there is a sense of peace, ease of the flow of life and a knowing that everything about the dynamic and vital life I want to live will manifest. I spent plenty of time in the whoa is me, victim mode but all along I knew to keep trusting in universal divine energy and to believe in how I saw the world through the eyes in which I see it. Being in the middle of these two worlds is equivalent to the caterpillar in the cocoon, at times it can be dark and lonely, but it’s where the transformation happens.
It has taken courage, strength, and a relentless drive to keep asking myself big questions and wanting to understand what this experience here is all about. I learned early on about observing myself. My behavior, my thoughts and what I express to others as well as what I say to myself has tremendous power. It’s what creates your life. You are not your thoughts you are the observer of those thoughts. Pay attention to what you are building your life with. You get to choose the thoughts you keep thinking, the words you speak and the stories you keep repeating. There are only two options for all of these to be based on love or fear.
Ultimately it takes action! There eventually comes a time when you have to step up and show up in your life, and it starts with self-love. You can not give to the world what you don’t have. Start with baby steps and self-care. Self-care is essential to your health and happiness. Think energy and balance. Meditate, appreciate, connect with nature and get back to what you really are a creator. Most importantly dare to take risks! Take the time to be the observer and make a note of how you show up in your life. Notice the resistance, where you have dug your heels in and do you like the person you are that is showing up in a particular situation, relationship, job, etc. The more you work on this, the easier it gets to catch yourself in real time and shift the behavior. Take a yoga class, go on a date with yourself, go on a soul vacation for an hour to the beach or park, start something creative, do something new and different. Pay attention to your environment and what you expose your heart and mind to, the people you are surrounded by, the souls that come through your life and the messages they have to bring.
Be grateful for every person and experience. You made a contract with them before you came here to experience the lesson that they showed up to teach. A soul can come through in the shortest amount of time and create the most significant amount of expansion for you. Know that every relationship is eternal because that is what we are.
Make a note of the patterns that keep you confined, forgive yourself for them, you made these choices in difficult situations and what you knew to do for yourself at the time. Know that courage is not the absence of fear and keep going. Get out into the world connect with people, smile have fun and most of all LOVE.
Love everyone, everything, and experience. Understand that what you see in others you own yourself on some level otherwise, you wouldn’t recognize it. I found it so interesting when I learned that we see things the way we are not as they are. The sum of all your experiences and what you are focusing on at the time creates the filter in which you see everything through. Have the courage to see your own self in the mirror and do it with pure love, kindness, and compassion. No matter what stage I was at I knew enough to seek out people when I needed them, a therapist, a healer, a mentor, a friend and a group of women that I can say anything to. They were all there at different times, and some were nothing short of angels when I needed them. We need each other. Be kind.
I feel at this moment pure love and gratitude for you and the opportunity to express myself. Be love, be forgiving, be happy, live in the present moment. You are light, and you are divine. These are the vibrational frequencies that you are meant to be aligned with. Level Up in every area of your human existence. Choose courage over comfort.